You Have Two Hands In Order To High-Five Yourself
Yes, give yourself a break but give yourself some credit too. And re-examine the concept of masculinity, also.
On the first night of Election Day, I ate a cucumber slice for dinner and barely slept. I don’t want there to be elections anymore. I want a kind monarch like Queen Elsa or Good King Wenceslas.
I’ve found myself in the last few weeks kind of mentally wrecked by stress from COVID and the election. I’ve tried to recognize that these are stressors I can’t control. And so, give yourself a break if you’re less than top notch. If you are a lower notch.
But yesterday, I stopped myself a bit because there are other ways to give breaks to oneself. Yes, forgive where you’ve fallen short but also celebrate how much ass you’ve actually been kicking all this time. If you think about all that’s at stake in the election - regardless of your politics - and you are not curled up in a fetal ball, congratulations, because that alone is good coping and an accomplishment. If you get up, go to the grocery store, shower sometimes, you are accomplishing yet more stuff. During the deadly pandemic, if you’ve been washing your hands, showering sometimes, and finding ways to still connect with others and breathe the oxygen of human company (virtual or distanced), nice work. You’re feeling like you’re crushed by these factors but you are coping.
Think about how great you’ve actually been during 2020’s ongoing shit-nado by the mere fact that you are moving forward in life. Not without stress, not without trauma, just taking steps in the forward direction. That’s huge. YOU did that.
Give yourself a break for all you haven’t done but give yourself a screaming high-five for all you have. That’s what I say.
I’ve written about the show Ted Lasso before. I think about it a lot because I am a guy with emotions. In fact, more and more people are thinking about it more and more. That sounds like a USA Today sentence.
The premise is kind of silly: titular American football coach (Jason Sudeikis) is hired to coach British pro soccer team despite knowing nothing of the sport. That wouldn’t happen. So you expect the show to be full of silly things that wouldn’t happen but that’s where Ted Lasso, the show, swerves from silly premise into a sincere character study and a rather deep and nuanced refutation of traditional machismo. Ultimately, it’s a show about men trying to manage both the protection and burden of the masculinity that has been thrust upon them.
Into the hyper-masculine thunderdome of pro sports comes Ted and he is a guy largely without ego and without the guy armor that both protects you and weighs you down. I’m talking about that caveman instinct of having to appear tough enough that you display your worthiness as a male that can compete for food and mates. Ted just never wears the armor and his spirit is lighter for it. He shows what the world can be like when you don’t wear the armor. Ted explains in an early episode that for him the job of coaching isn’t really about winning so much as helping people grow and improve.
Upon meeting Ted, the veteran captain of the team, Roy (Brett Goldstein), says he never expected to end his career being coached by “Ronald McFucking Donald” and he walks away. This is the moment when lots of guys and nearly every television character would fire back an insult of some kind or throw a punch, thus either entrenching the enmity or making it worse. It’s a guy instinct. Someone’s dissing you, you go on the attack so they don’t think you’re weak. It’s how wars start. But Ted says to his assistant coach that Roy’s “gonna be so mad when we win him over.” Ted doesn’t take the bait. He doesn’t internalize the diss. He just marvels at Roy; he’s kind of fascinated. He removes himself and his masculinity from the equation and, without fuel, the fire dies.
A whole lot of guys never learn that you can do that. That you can opt out of the combative testosterone and still be very much an adult man.
When a stadium full of fans chants “Wanker!” at him, Ted does not yell at them, he doesn’t try to hurt them in the same way they’re trying to hurt him. And he doesn’t get down on himself by giving their insults credence. He just goes about the task of helping the people he can help.
I could go on and on. And there’s no shortage of people who have. Among writers, musicians, and actors I know, Ted Lasso has been revelatory.
One of the reasons I like it, besides Sudeikis (who should be playing Biden on SNL instead of Jim Carrey), is that it offers this radical idea of self-care. Compete to help others instead of crushing them. Bake cookies/biscuits for someone who needs those things. Separate your self (deliberately two words) from whatever garbage comes flying at you. Meet hostility with kindness and patience.
For someone dealing with a mental disorder like depression, the sense of self that you have is fragile and it’s easy to see an action by someone else as a threat and respond accordingly (thus diminishing that sense of self even further. Here’s a way to not do that.
Ted Lasso has been renewed for a second season and although that season hasn’t started yet, it’s also been approved for a third season. It’s on Apple TV Plus, which is a stupid name for a streaming platform.
And now for something simpler.
I was going to check election returns yet again but Sally thought I should throw her rubber squawk turkey instead. Reader, I did.
So Queen Elsa to me isn't the best metaphor here. There's only been two movies and she's put her entire kingdom in danger everytime by being thoughtless and careless and thinking of only herself and joy and past, and, and, and...but yea, that wouldn't work for me hah. Love your stuff. Hope you're able to enjoy Thanksgiving.
I was really nervous because four years ago I was so full of hope and then I ended up checking the results before I went to bed, which equalled an all night panic "event" which led to a downward spiral since then. I'd been doing okay with my anxiety before that night. This year I knew it could be different, but now I have drugs and better coping skills, right? Well, I also chose to log off most social media (Instagram because I mostly follow animals) and I avoided all election news. I did briefly check it on Wednesday and that gave me some anxiety (not just the presidential election, my state has a congressional race that is still undecided), so I've checked out. It's been so much better for me.
And, oh my gosh, someone gets to swim toy sharks with penguins?!
Also, a picture of Sally! YAY!