Donked Up Schools, Emotional Titans, and Things That Aren't Lobbies
C'est nes pas une lobby, Magritte did not say
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School: What is it again?
The last time I had to wake one of my kids up for school was in March of 2020.
Here in Saint Paul, that happened even before the pandemic because we had a teacher’s strike, and both those things happened shortly before spring break. So the thing we were all wondering about is whether the strike would be resolved before spring break, which would mean the strike lasting up to two weeks. Tack on that week for the break and the kids would be out of the building for as long as three weeks, an unimaginably long time.
Then just as the strike was worked out, the order came down to stay home for at least a few days. Then it got extended. And so on. And here we are.
Now, one of those kids is off at college. Got two of that variety. The third kid is getting ready to go back to a full day schedule as of Thursday (a bit late this year for Rosh Hashanah). She went to a partial day schedule for the last few weeks last year. This was in a configuration that included a hybrid online element, distanced classrooms, and assigned lunch seating. Now it’s going to be all back to normal except with masks. And also trauma.
Adults would do well to remember that in terms of percentage of total memories of a lifetime, the pandemic has been a lot longer for kids than adults. Their habits and patterns of living are a lot less formed and thus fragile and more likely to crumble. And also coming up on 700,000 people are dead from it, which rightfully freaks kids out.
Our show this week is about where those kids’ heads are and how we as the grownups can help. We talk with Ruby Ramirez, a principal in Dallas, about how her school got ready for the students’ state of mind heading into the year and how when classes started there, a lot of students were prone to wearing their hair long and pulled over their eyes, literally blocking their view. Some kids were just uncomfortable walking into a classroom after being told to avoid crowds for so long.
The thing that made a difference for Ruby’s students? Masks. They’ve gotten used to those and they feel safer as a result. So when you have politicians and jerks demanding a mask mandate be lifted, that’s acting against a healthy state of mind for kids. Dallas defied the Texas governor’s order to lift mask mandates. They still have them.
Weights/shoulders
I’m realizing that there are a lot of Atlases in the world. Atlae? Atlases. Not talking about the big map books, talking about this guy:
Ol’ Mr. Put On Some Pants here. Mr. Not The Best Way To Hold That. Except that… ball… he’s holding… supposed to be the world…
There we go. Toga works. That world is guilt. I’ve been in the business of talking about mental health for several years now, giving speeches, writing and promoting a book, doing podcasts. And while I’m not famous, a lot of people who I went to school with on various levels have become familiar with my work.
This has led to many of those people stepping forward to apologize for being jerks to me when we knew each other way back when. They’ve been carrying that around ever since. And the thing is, it comes as a surprise to me most of the time. Yes, there were a few people doing truly cruel things in junior high, I have forgiven them directly, but mostly I don’t remember the rest of them doing anything truly mean and in most cases I don’t remember them doing anything even impolite. It was a long time ago. It’s a fog at best.
It makes me suspect that a lot of what we carry around in our togas and structurally difficult sandals is really a one-sided proposition. I think it might be a good idea for all of us to track down the parties we may have aggrieved and apologize because a) it’s a morally good thing to do and b) because we may find it was all no big whoop.
Do this and everything will be fine and you won’t be bonkers anymore
Okay, that’s a stretch. But Vox has a good article on cognitive reappraisal.
What I was feeling was isolation, and the loneliness that comes with it. Instead of letting it gnaw at me, I tried to remember: Loneliness is normal, sometimes even useful. I remembered that sadness existed in part to remind me of something I really value, the company of other people. I knew, when the opportunity arose, I’d reorient myself to immersion with others. And when that time came, I’d embrace it; it was a reminder that I was still capable of feeling the joy I had been lacking. And as a consolation, that felt good.
Cognitive reappraisal — sometimes called cognitive reframing — is most commonly encountered in therapy, where it’s used to regulate emotions. It’s a component of cognitive behavioral therapy, a whole suite of strategies that can encourage positive patterns of thinking and behavior.
As I wrote about in my book (did you know I have a book?), cognitive behavioral therapy has helped me to an enormous extent. I think one of the reasons why is that I intellectualize my mental health. And I’m not judging that, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing or a good thing, it’s just one of the ways my brain operates. If I can get an understanding of my own thought patterns, especially the toxic ones, then I can find ways to redirect them to a healthier place.
This saves me from despair. And that makes this a very very valuable tool.
The traditional art associated with depression articles now has a mask. The sad lady is still staring out the window.
Get a hobby. Don’t go to Hobby Lobby.
Okay, yeah, a lot of people can give you very good reasons to not shop at Hobby Lobby. I’ll give you one more: Lobby? It’s a store. It can’t, with even the biggest of stretches, be called a lobby. You’re just looking for a rhyme! It’s like calling your store Shirt Dirt.
I’ve been thinking about hobbies lately. Partially because I’ve been fortunate enough to have one. I sing in a band. We will not make it big. We have a lot of fun. It was sad to not get to do it during the pandemic.
Just about every therapist or psychiatrist I’ve ever had has asked me about whether I have any hobbies. I sometimes forget that my band is a hobby because I always think of hobbies as, like, stamp collecting or golf or tennis and I don’t do those. (Because I’m so great at them that everyone else would cry.)
So I say make a Labor Day resolution. Find a hobby. If you don’t have one, get one. If you have one, put a little more into it. I think our society tries to crush hobbies out of us and in an economy/situation where more and more people work from home, you’ll be tempted to just check your email instead of collecting your stamps. Or start a band. Everyone should be in a band.